Hello
by AoifeRose
Summary: Liv and Amanda both try to escape an awful week and find each other. Unintentional spoiler for 17x1 so just be warned!
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: You can blame Kelli Giddish for this one-shot! If you want to put it in SVU real time put it a couple of months after 15x9 but before the end of Season 15. As always they're not mine I just borrow them to play with them. And it was started before 17x1 – so there are no intentional real time references – the writers must be hacking my computer (I joke!) As always none of them belong to me – they belong to Dick and NBC.**

The smell of stale smoke in the air spoke to the age of the bar. Olivia didn't care about her surrounds right now. She was there to escape; the exact reason she hadn't gone to a cop bar, too many familiar faces.

The barman turned and limped towards her as she took in her surrounds. A man and woman sat at the end of the bar, three old men sat around a table playing cards and in one of the 4 booths two women sat opposite each other talking.

"Whisky, neat, please."

"Sure thing."

Olivia settled on one of the bar stools. It was far from comfortable but she didn't want comfort. It had been a horrific week and she just wanted to forget.

"Bad day?"  
Olivia sighed inwardly afraid that this was going to be the pattern for the evening and she was going to have to make small talk with a man she didn't know because she felt obliged.

"Bad week?"

Olivia shook her head.  
"Want to talk about it?"  
Olivia looked up and made eye contact with the barman for the first time.

"No not really."

"Ok."

Olivia was relieved. This man obviously had experience of knowing when to leave people to wallow.

A shout went up from the corner as the youngest of the three octogenarians won his hand. Olivia's nerves were rattled and she jumped slightly at the shout. Exhaling slowly she took the first sip of the amber liquid, feeling it burn her throat, relishing the heat. Olivia closed her eyes, flashes of the week playing through her mind; the steely glare of their killer, the small cold hand of the dead child she tried in vain to resuscitate, the tears she shed silently alone at night. She was jolted back to reality by a hand on her lower back. She turned almost knocking the owner off balance as she grabbed the small wrist.

"Whoa, I'm not in the mood for a trip to the ER tonight."

Olivia released Amanda's wrist and turned back towards the bar. "Sorry." The voice was so quiet Amanda barely heard the apology.

"Don't be. Next time I won't be so gentle in my reaction." The blonde took a seat on the stool beside her Seargent.

Olivia smiled a wan smile, her eyes staring into the glass on the sticky counter top.

"To be fair when someone sneaks up on me in a bar I'm going to assume the worst."  
"What that someone is going to offer to buy you a drink?" Amanda motioned to the barman and he deposited two glasses in front of them a minute later.

"No that someone is going to try and chat me up, want to talk, try and talk me into bed and then wonder why I don't want to and what's wrong with me?"

"Wow some weird people come up to you in bars."

Olivia looked to her right and met the blue eyes that were starting at her, a reassuring smile gracing glossed lips.

"I don't go out much anymore."

"After a week like that I had no intention of going home. This doesn't seem like your normal haunt?"

"Didn't want to see any familiar faces."

"Bad luck."

"Not so much. Sorry Rollins I'm not much company at the moment."

"Neither am I."

"Amanda, you want the game on?" the barman hollered from the other end of the bar.

"No thanks Stan."  
"You come here often?" Olivia asked curious how the barman was so familiar with the detective and her predilection for basketball.  
"Stan is ex-APD."

Olivia realised now why the man behind the bar seemed to have a knack for knowing when to back off. "That explains it."

"Explains what?"  
"He just… well he just knows." Amanda nodded understanding what the other woman meant.

"Yeah it's usually why I come here. Listen if you want to be alone…"  
"No it's ok, stay… please. Olivia realised she wasn't in the mood to be alone anymore. She thought it was what was required to get her through the rest of the night; talking to Amanda she realised being alone might actually do more harm than good. The younger detective recognised the need in her colleagues voice and reached for her hand, squeezing gently. She didn't have time to second guess herself and the little smile she garnered from Olivia made her realise her first instincts were still almost always right. She'd been questioning a lot of late so she was relieved her most basic impulses were still right. Amanda realised in all her thinking she'd forgotten to let go of the hand holding hers. She could see the same reluctance in the brunette's eyes to let go. She held the brown eyes staring at hers and stood intertwining the fingers of the warm hand still in hers.

"I need a more comfortable seat. My place is a mess but there's space on the couch. Nightcap?"

Olivia nodded. She had no idea why she was agreeing. She and Rollins weren't exactly best buddies. All she knew as right now was she needed company and Amanda was offering.

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Closing the door Olivia watched the blonde make her way into the kitchenette, sorting through the mail she had picked up on the way in. The apartment was just as she remembered it, only more sparsely furnished. She remembered what Amanda had said about Kim stealing stuff when she left but she was surprised she hadn't managed to replaced more of it by now. Amanda followed Olivia's gaze around the small space.

"I know it's not much but it's home."

"You need to take a day off and go shopping."

"You're probably right. I may have to move soon though so no point in leaving myself with more stuff to carry."

"Rent going up?"  
Amanda didn't really answer the question, instead she began to list off the drink options to her guest.

"Beer is fine Rollins"  
She grabbed a glass from the cupboard and placed it on the sideboard, grabbing a carton of orange juice and a bottle of beer from the fridge, pouring a glass of juice for herself and making her way into the living area.

"Here you go", she handed the bottle to Olivia and took a sip of the juice before sitting down.

They were quiet for a minute, both trying to garner the others reaction to being in such an unusual situation. However, both women realised quickly that there was comfort and companionship, even in silence, once it was shared.

"Have you been sleeping?" It was an odd question for Amanda to ask but Olivia knew why she was asking. She'd been jumpy since Lewis and the bags under her eyes couldn't be concealed with even the heaviest make-up.

"Honestly? Therapy is helping a bit. But the smallest noise in the dead of the night has me reaching for my gun."  
"I can't… I mean I don't know what to say."  
"You don't need to say anything Rollins, it's ok. You're not my therapist."  
"I know but we do this every day."  
"Not with people we know though, that's the difference."

"I know but…" Amanda began fiddling with the hem of her lilac shirt, flicking the last button in the row open, a white tank underneath providing some warmth from the chilly Spring air.

Olivia reached for the hand that had reached for hers earlier and squeezed it gently. "We're all doing the best we can, sometimes it's enough, sometimes it's not. In between we just muddle through."

"Very prophetic."  
"Yeah I think I read it on Facebook. It was probably attributed to Roosevelt or something."

Amanda laughed and met the deep brown eyes watching her." Her cheeks coloured slightly as Olivia's gaze remained on her, unwavering.

"Can I ask you something Rollins?"

Amanda simply nodded.

"Why did you ask me back here?"  
A small voice in Amanda's head screamed at her to lie, but she'd learned over the past few years Olivia Benson was not a woman she could lie to, at least not for long."  
"I'm lonely", she stated simply.

Olivia nodded and ran her fingers up the bare part of Amanda's forearm.

"This job does that to you. Don't let it."  
Amanda moved to close the gap between them, taking the hand that was stroking her arm and guiding it to her hip as she placed her hand on her Seargent's lower back, holding her stare as she leaned in claiming her lips in a soft kiss, moaning as the other woman pulled her closer, moving the hand on her hip to her neck, deepening the kiss. The kiss became more intense as both women allowed their hands to roam, grazing over exposed skin.

Olivia broke away first to catch her breath. "Fuck"; she muttered it quietly thinking Rollins wouldn't hear, but she was far to close not to.

"Sorry, God I don't know what I was thinking. I should… no I can't leave I live here."

Her confusion made them both laugh.

Olivia took the blonde's hand stroking her knuckles with her thumb as she sat forward on the sofa.

"What are we doing?"  
"Forgetting the loneliness for a bit?" The hint of sadness in Amanda's voice caught Olivia off guard as she sat back slightly pulling the blonde into a hug.

"I can live with that if you can?"

Amanda nodded into the brunette's neck as she felt the taller woman begin to stand, their hand still joined.

"I'm gona lose my nerve if we don't move soon, I'm out of practice."

Amanda smiled at the vulnerable side to the usual kickass Seargent Benson she was used to.

"You don't forget how, you know that right?", she teased as they moved towards her bedroom. Nerves were getting the better or her now, so she reverted to her default mode when she was in over her head, joking.

"If you knew how long it's been…." Olivia's voice trailed off and Amanda stopped them just before the reached the bedroom door.

"If you don't want to do this, don't feel safe, want to stop, need to walk out right now, you know you can right? No questions asked."

The sincerity in the smaller woman's voice overwhelmed Olivia. She leaned in to claim her lips again, pushing her backwards gently. "You're a good person Rollins, don't ever let anyone tell you otherwise" she said as Amanda opened the door behind them. The kiss continued as they made their way towards Amanda's messy bed. She hadn't been there for more than 8 hours over the last few weeks so making her bed was not high on her list of priorities. She turned them so Olivia reached the bed first and pressed on the taller woman's shoulders forcing her to sit on the bed.

"Before this goes any further I need to tell you something and I need you to be ok with it."  
Olivia was suddenly scared. Amanda saw the fleeting look in her eyes and made to reassure her straight away. "It's nothing bad… Well not… I mean it depends on what you…"

"Rollins, take a breath."

Amanda did as instructed and looked down at the woman sitting in front of her, inches away from the secret she was hiding. She decided the easiest thing to do was show her. Unbuttoning her shirt half way and lifting the tank top part way, she waited for a response from Olivia. None came. Instead she felt a soft kiss on her now slightly round tummy, as Olivia met her eyes, which were shimmering with tears.

"Does he know?"

Amanda shook her head, biting her lip to stop the tears from falling.

Olivia stood kissing the blonde's temple. "He doesn't deserve you. We're here, we can help you."

Amanda felt arms wrap around her and she relaxed into the embrace. She placed a kiss on the top of Olivia's head and then cupped her cheek as she leaned down to kiss her lips. "You still want to do this?" Olivia inquired quietly against her stomach.

Amanda smiled as she looked at Olivia's cheek resting on her small bump.

"Yes, more than anything."

Olivia placed a tender kiss on Amanda's stomach before moving her hands and opening the remaining buttons on her shirt. Standing she took the tank top with her lifting it over Amanda's head. Claiming her lips in a bruising kiss Olivia turned them so Amanda was at the beds edge, pushing gently on her shoulders as other woman had done minutes earlier so she was sitting in front of her. Reaching down she unclasped the simple lace white bra that Amanda was wearing, bending so she could kiss her and guide her to lie down at the same time. Discarding her own shirt and bra she joined the blonde on the bed, both moving so that they were laying side by side.

"Well my imagination never did you justice" the younger detective admitted.

Olivia blushed. "I could say the same." The brunette moved so that she was in closer proximity to the detective and stroked her fingertips up and down her bare side. Kissing her gently she kept her eyes open to watch for any reaction as she moved her hand in to open the fly on her black jeans. A small gasp against her lips was all she felt. She began to push the offending item off her hips and down, Amanda finished the job using her feet and kicking them onto the floor. She shivered slightly and felt strong arms around her immediately as Olivia held her close.

"Please touch me soon Liv, I need you" The words were spoken against the soft skin of Olivia's neck and they caused a moan to escape her lips. Doing as requested, she ghosted her hand down over the blonde's ribs, in over her rounded stomach and down to the vee between her legs. Using two fingers Olivia parted wet swollen lips, lowering her head to a hardened nipple at the same time.

Amanda's hands were immediately in her hair, holding tight as Olivia glided her index and ring finger through building wetness. The blonde pushed her hips forward, lifting her leg to rest on Olivia's still trouser clad one, urging her on to move her fingers lower. Olivia took the hint and entered the now groaning woman with one finger to see if she was ready. Olivia grazed Amanda's nipple with her teeth as she realised she was more than ready. Slipping out of the blonde she moved up so she could look into those bright blue eyes as she entered her again with two fingers.

"Fuck yes…" Amanda hissed "harder please"

Olivia was cautious, not wanting to hurt her but Amanda's simple reassured her "I won't break Liv."

Olivia smiled as she reclaimed the blonde's lips and sped up the movement of her fingers, Amanda's hips pushing as far as she could, her clit twitching with need to be touched. Olivia finally gave in, covering the small bud with her thumb, circling quickly as she felt Amanda's walls begin to spasm around her fingers. The orgasm hit the smaller woman hard and fast and she shook hard in her lover's arms as she came, gushing wetness all over Olivia's fingers, biting down gently on her shoulder to stop herself from screaming out.

Olivia held her tight, not letting go until Amanda was ready to move. Amanda kissed her deeply, breaking only for air.

"Fuck, that was… I've never come like that."

"I'll take that as a compliment," Olivia joked "but they say it's different when you're pregnant. The hormones affect everything."  
"That was nothing to do with hormones and everything to do with your amazing fingers" Amanda smiled as she wrapped her arms around Olivia's neck.

"I can't even explain…" there was a hint of emotion in her voice; Olivia moved to reassure her with a kiss.

"I'm here. I'll be here. It's ok."  
Amanda was overwhelmed as she shed a tear "Ok this is hormones" she joked, her voice shaky.

Olivia wrapped her into a hug for a moment, and then sat up, discarding her jeans and pulling the comforter from the end of the bed. Wrapping it around them both she began to stroke the long blonde locks through her fingers as she kissed the tears away and spoke quietly.  
"You must be scared as hell sweetheart. But I promise you we've got this." Olivia's hand rested on Amanda's bump and she stroked it gently. "You hear that little one? We've got this. Your Mum and me and all her friends, we've got you both"

Amanda buried her head into Olivia's neck "Thank you."

"There is no need for thank you."

"Still."  
"You say it again and I'm gona have to put you on nights for the foreseeable."

"If it's just you and me and we can do this again I'm not gona object."

Olivia laughed as she felt the blonde's breathing slow down. "Trust you."  
"On your desk." Amanda muttered as sleep took over.

Olivia continued to laugh as she heard a small snore from the woman in her arms.

"Sweet dreams" – she spoke quietly as she kissed the top of the blonde's head.

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 **A/N: I've been writing that one for a few weeks but I couldn't publish it because of a new job. Hope you enjoyed. When I get some more time I'll give another one a go!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Ok they handed me a second chapter on a plate after 17x04 and a few said they wanted one so I've added a Chapter 2. There's also a Chapter 3 after that Autumn finale so you can expect another chapter over the coming weeks as I try to write away the fear Dick Wolf left us all in! Gona have to suspend a bit of belief time line wise with this one – sorry folks, but SVU reality didn't fit in with my fic ;) *** **Spoilers are present for S17 just so you know** *****

 **6 months later**

Dodds walked out and Olivia stood at the door to her office watching him leave. Her eyes were then pulled towards the blonde sitting at her desk, hair pulled up, hands resting on her now prominent bump. She glanced around the squad room to see if anyone else was there and noted gratefully that most had left for the evening. She needed a moment to calm down and the only place she could do it was in Detective Amanda Rollins' arms. Catching blue eyes smiling at her she gestured with her head for the other woman to come into her office. Amanda struggled out of the chair, sighing with relief as she managed to stand. She hated that she'd been made to ride the desk but she knew realistically she couldn't be on the street anymore. It was too dangerous and she knew the stress it caused Olivia every time she went on a shout and she didn't hear from her for a while.

Walking into the newly decorated office, which still smelled of paint she closed the door and walked into open arms, feeling Olivia's head rest on her shoulder, one hand on the side of her bump the other on her lower back.

"You want me to kill him? I know I can only waddle like a duck but I've got good aim"

"I don't doubt it for a second but right now I need you here, right here, for at least the next two minutes."  
"Fine but if he upsets you again I'll be forced to take matters into my own hands."

Olivia smiled at the empty threat and the fact Amanda knew she was upset just by the way she looked and her body language.

"I'm ok, honestly. Just sick of the testosterone fuelled, narcissistic, bureaucratic bullshit that goes on in this place."

"My that's a lotta big words in one sentence – he must have really pissed you off." Amanda's hands were in her hair now stroking down and massaging the base of her neck with her fingers. Olivia groaned as she hit a particularly sore spot.

"We need to get you to a masseuse."  
"No you'll do just fine."  
"Not if this bump gets much bigger. I can barely reach around as it is given the space bubba is taking up"

"I'll lie down so you can reach"

"I'll squash you"

Olivia chuckled into Amanda's shoulder and pulled out of the embrace kissing her cheek as she stepped back, perching on the edge of her desk.

"It'd be worth it."  
"Seriously what was that all about?"  
"Well apparently we're getting a new addition"

"We knew that already" Amanda said gesturing to her bump.

"Another one. Dodds' son is joining us."  
"To spy?"  
"As a detective apparently"  
"Oh fantastic. Just what we need another Dodd's in the office."

"Starting to think the big boys are spying on me."  
"Liv if anything Dodd's Senior is sending Dodd's Junior to keep tabs on me. He's already got me on desk duty. Two encounters with IAB in four years, pregnant with no baby Daddy in sight and a sister still on the run from the feds. Don't worry, it's definitely not you."

Olivia smiled and held out her hand to the blonde; "We're going home. If neither of us are here, they can't be spying and I'd prefer if we were at home when I take advantage of that massage offer."

Amanda laughed and took the outstretched hand and they made their way out of the deserted office to the lift.

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"No that's ok, call any time," Olivia touched the screen and ended the call.

"Collins again?" Amanda asked curling closer to Olivia's side on the sofa.

"Bless him he's trying but he's just not meant to be there."

"Any guy who balks at death the way he does should not be in charge of homicide"

"I agree but Dodd's isn't as open to persuasion."

"That's probably because they're not sleeping with you"

Olivia swatted the arm resting on her leg "How do you know?"  
"If I wasn't so pregnant right now I'd kick your ass for saying that."  
Olivia bit back the smart retort, she knew Amanda was feeling self conscious about her appearance and being put on desk duty had affected her more than she was letting anyone know. Olivia had seen the look of despair when they'd discussed desk duty and when Dodd's had made it official she saw Amanda's shoulders sag. So she had planned a few hours alone that evening, letting Noah have a sleep over with Uncle Fin so they could have some time alone together.

"I'm hungry, again" – Amanda's exasperated tone had become common over the last eight weeks.

"Well you are eating for two."

"I think I'm eating for four. No way this child can possibly want so much food." Amanda made to stand but Olivia stopped her with a hand on her thigh.

"Cereal?"

"Toast would be good. Have I mentioned how much I love you lately?"  
"You only say that because I'm feeding you."

Amanda laughed as Olivia swooped in for a brief kiss.

"Maybe."  
"She heard Olivia laugh as she made her way into the kitchen."

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The detective slowly woke to the faint smell of lavender. The room was dimly lit with a small lamp and she was alone. She remembered eating toast and then nothing.

"Dam" she muttered quietly. She realised she'd fallen asleep as they had spoken about Olivia's fears of Dodd's Junior and his intentions.

"Some girlfriend I am" she muttered as she made her first attempt to stand. She generally found it took four attempts from the low sofa in Olivia's living room. She managed it in three and the sigh of relief was huge as she finally shook the last remnants of sleep from her body and went in search of Olivia.

"Liv?"; she called out but go no response. Walking towards the bedroom she presumed Olivia too had fallen asleep until she heard her name called quietly from the bathroom.

Opening the door her breath caught at the sight. Candles were lit, the bubbles were piled high in the claw foot tub and soft music played from a portable speaker on the windowsill.

Olivia pushed away from the sink and kissed the blonde softly, undoing the buttons of her shirt.

"I knew you were tired; I knew you needed to relax. I didn't think you were going to fall asleep on the sofa…"  
"Yeah sor…" Amanda was cut off with another kiss.

"No apologising. I just wish I could have done this earlier but someone wanted toast."

Amanda smiled against the taller woman's shoulder as she leaned forward allowing Olivia to open the button on her jeans and push them to the floor.

Amanda discarded her underwear with some help to open her bra and felt one hand on her lower back and one grasp her outstretched one as she lowered herself into the bathtub.

"You realise you're probably gona to have to call the fire department to get me out of here right?"

"Sshhh" just relax", Olivia pulled up the small step stool they used for Noah to reach the sink and sat on it.

They sat for a while listening to Adele singing about love and heartache, the only other sound the swish of water as Amanda occasionally shifted in the bath.

"You're going to have to stop doing that Mand, you know that right?"  
"Doing what?"  
"Berating yourself. Making fun of yourself for being pregnant. I know it's your defence mechanism in work but here, with me, you're allowed to be pregnant and not have to apologise for it.

Amanda trickled water over her bump and watched it cascade back into the bath. The sensation caused her to shiver.

"I know Liv. I just…. I just can't help but feel like I need to step it up a notch when everyone else is telling me to take a step back"

Olivia placed her hand on the right side of Amanda's tummy halfway down, they'd found recently it was the favourite place for junior to kick at the moment. Just as her hand rested she felt a little thump against her hand.

Amanda rested her hand over Olivia's; "He knows you're here." The look of tenderness and love in the blue eyes caught her off guard and Olivia swallowed back tears that threatened.

"You have to stay safe Mand, for me – for us" Olivia rubbed the small spot and felt another kick against her hand.

Amanda sighed as she sunk further into the bath. "I know, and I will. Desk duty from now on, scout's honour." Olivia had been expecting a fight so she was relieved Amanda wasn't going to fight it.

"Good cause I couldn't cope if anything happened to either of you."

Amanda gripped the hand that still rested on her bump. "Not going to happen hon. We're in it for the long run. You, me Noah and this lil one."

Olivia moved the stool closer to the bath and grabbed some of the body oils she'd gotten as a present for Amanda. She never usually had baths. Amanda called it 'criminal' when she found out Olivia never used the tub in her apartment. From then on they spent at least one night a week using it, separately or together when they had time. Olivia had realised the stress relief benefits immediately and began to buy various oils and lotions to try out. This lavender one was, she knew, a favourite of Amanda's. She took one of her hands and then the other working the oil into her skin. Skimming over her chest she smiled as Amanda's nipples hardened immediately at her touch. She noticed the darkness that flashed across the intense blue gaze as she continued circular motions, massaging the soft skin of Amanda's tummy, standing and using both hands to massage her bump gently. Amanda fixed her with a stare that started a fire somewhere in Olivia's stomach and settled firmly between her legs.

"You need to help me outta this bath now Benson before I injure myself trying to do it on my own"

Olivia didn't hesitate but instead took both hands in hers and pulled the plug watching the water drain away as she helped Amanda to stand.

"You know you really shouldn't have started this in the bath, it's going to take me at least 5 minutes to waddle to the bedroom"

"Stop it" Olivia murmured against her ear as she wrapped a towel around her girlfriend and leaned back to steal a quick kiss.

Amanda looked down at her feet and bit her lip. "I can't."  
"Well then I'm going to have to remind you that you are beautiful, pregnant or not, on desk duty or not, falling asleep mid evening or not…" She caught the dirty look the blonde gave her and smiled mischievously."  
"Not even a bit funny," but the smile in Amanda's voice belied her purported annoyance.

Upon reaching the bedroom Olivia had rid herself of her shirt and trousers and was standing in her underwear facing the blonde.

"Come here" Amanda opened her arms and wrapped Olivia in a strong embrace. "You are my world you know that right. The four of us, we are going to be a family. Nothing is going to change that. And I hate that we're surrounded by testosterone fuelled, narcissistic, bureaucratic bullshit" Olivia smiled against Amanda's neck as she heard her words back "but we've got each other and the guys have our backs, we're gona be ok hon"

Olivia kissed her neck and up along to her cheek finally settling on her lips watching as blue eyes closed. Talking softly against her lips she asked a question she already knew the answer to "How do you always know what to say?"  
"Because I know you as well as you know me"

Olivia had never had that with anyone else, a lover, a partner, a parent. She cherished it. Sitting down on the bed she beckoned Amanda between her legs and rested her head against her bump for a moment, much like she'd done the first time they made love. Lying back, she brought Amanda down with her and they lay side by side on the bed.

Amanda initiated the next kiss and began to knead Olivia's breast as she slipped her tongue into her girlfriend's waiting mouth. The kiss deepened and as Olivia shifted slightly to try and change positions so she was on top Amanda rested her hand on her hip to hold her in place.

"I want to watch you. I want to come with you. Can we try?"

Olivia nodded knowing that as much as Amanda needed to come she needed to feel some control as well, wanted to know she was still needed, still desired.

Hands joined and fingers intertwined as hands moved lower joined together, reaching heat and wetness at the same time. Hazel eyes held blue as fingertips found distended clits. The intake of break was simultaneous but it was Olivia who moaned when Amanda's fingers moved lower.

"Stay" Amanda whispered and Olivia stilled her fingers just as Amanda slipped through her wetness penetrating her with one finger then two. Amanda set a slow pace and Olivia curled her body towards her, keeping her hand nestled between the blonde's thighs, resting her cheek against her forehead as Amanda circled her left nipple with the tip of her tongue.

Olivia hissed as Amanda's thumb made brief intermittent swipes over her clit, never quite giving it the constant stimulation it needed.

"Tease" Olivia muttered as Amanda grazed her teeth over her right nipple sucking it as she sped up the pace of her fingers.

"Fucckkk" Olivia moaned as Amanda added the much needed pressure of her thumb to her clit while she moved up to claim her lips in a searing kiss. Olivia's hips jerked as she fucked herself hard against the hand giving her so much pleasure. A few more jerks and a few more flicks of her clit and the brunette lieutenant was coming hard, her body shuddering as she gripped Amanda's arm. Amanda intertwined the fingers of their free hands as Olivia's hand was moving unbeknownst to her and the slight movement was almost enough to send Amanda hurtling over the edge with her, she just needed slightly more concentrated pressure.

"Baby?" Olivia heard Amanda's voice through the haze of post orgasm and realised she was almost there.

"I've got you, I've got you" Olivia whispered as she began a scissoring motion along Amanda's clit. A few pressured strokes was all it took for Amanda to cum, moaning into Olivia's mouth as she reclaimed it for another kiss.

It took a few minutes for breathing to return to normal as they lay entwined in each others arms.

"Wow."

"Wow is right. You almost left me hanging there Benson, not cool."

"Sorry but you kinda knocked me out."

"Thank You."  
"Huh? I think that's my line Rollins."  
"You know what I mean." Olivia did but she wasn't ready to admit it.

Reaching up to cup her cheek Olivia kissed her very sated girlfriend and began to stroke her bare back.

"You are the most gorgeous, amazing, funny, brave beautiful, sexy woman I know. This…." Olivia took the hand stroking along Amanda's back and brought it in to rest on the bump, "This just makes you an absolute superstar. You are going to be the best Mom."

A small tear trickled down sallow skin as Amanda returned the gentle kiss.

"This kid is going to be the luckiest kid in the world. He's got the best big brother going and two Mom's who can lock up anyone that gives him hassle."

"You know you've been saying 'he' the last few weeks. Did you find out and not tell me?"  
"No I just get this feeling. I know we said we wanted it to be a surprise and I still do, I just think it's a boy. I don't care either way once it's healthy and happy"

"Ditto for his or her Mom" Olivia kissed Amanda's forehead and then took up the position she knew Amanda found most comfortable for sleeping at the moment turned on her side with her knees partially bent, Olivia curled behind her.

"Love you beautiful."  
"We love you too hon." Amanda smiled as she felt Olivia's hand rest protectively on her bump rubbing gently.

Their "Goodnights" were simultaneous as they fell asleep.

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 **A/N: I have to write a continuation of the all finale just for my own sanity so it'll be up in the next few weeks.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Spoilers for 17x09 in here so I'm just warning you in advance! Not that there's much to spoil given the massive cliff hanger they left us on. So this is my interpretation of what's to come. As always none of them are mine, they belong to higher greater beings!**

Olivia swore under her breath as Fin activated the siren on the unmarked car. She heard Amanda's voice rattle around her head, the words repeating themselves over and over

" _I'm fine hon, he's kicking, I'm breathing. We're fine. It's just Braxton-Hicks, you heard the doc. Go to work."_

"Why the fuck did I listen?"

"Liv, she's going to be fine. Hell women have been doing this for thousands of years. Our girl is tougher than most."

Olivia tried to smile but it didn't manifest. Fear was gripping her heart and she couldn't breathe properly.

Her phone buzzed and she saw from the text that Sonny was already at the hospital. He promised to text an update soon.

Olivia's hands were shaking as she tried to text back; she couldn't.

"How much longer?"  
"Two minutes tops Sarge."

Olivia nodded staring straight ahead willing the cars in front of them to move out of the way faster. Why had she listened, why hadn't she stayed home? Had she been lifting Noah, is that what happened? Did she fall? Was she hurt. Worst case scenarios kept running through her head and she almost didn't wait for the car to stop at the hospital doors before bolting.

She knew the hospital like the back of her hand, knew exactly where she was going. Careering round a corner and narrowly missing an orderly pushing a woman in a wheelchair, Olivia spotted a nurse she knew.

"Olivia what brings you…."

"Amanda Rollins?"  
"Room 221 honey, nice to see you too…" Janet hollered after her down the hallway. Olivia didn't hear a word.

Pushing the door to Amanda's room open she heard Carisi say something about contractions but she wasn't listening. She rested her hand on Amanda's leg as the blonde shuffled in the bed, trying to get some relief.

Olivia couldn't think of anything to say or do and it was killing her. When Amanda began to writhe in pain she was frozen to the spot. What was wrong?

"This isn't a normal contraction" was all she heard Amanda say as the monitors began to go off. She'd been to the ante-natal classes, kept reminding herself that the most important thing in this situation as to keep calm and keep Amanda calm. Which was why, when the doctor pushed them out of the room just as Amanda started to bleed heavily, she did as she was told. Standing outside with Carisi she heard Amanda shout her name. She felt a hand on her back as Fin arrived and then a nurse opened the door.

"We need to do a C Section. Mom says you're the partner?"

Carisi looked confused and was about to respond when Olivia stepped forward.

"Gown and gloves will be waiting for you at the doors to theatre. Get yourself ready. This baby is coming fast."

Olivia's head spun and she felt a hand on her back again steadying her as the corridor swam before her eyes.

"She's got this Liv" Fin said quietly and calmly. "You've both got this. Go take care of our girl."

Carisi was still staring on bemused as Amanda was wheeled out of the room, Olivia grasping her hand the second she reached for it as they moved at speed down the corridor.

Fin patted his shoulder, "Come on man, we're gona get some coffee and I'm gona tell you a story about two police officers who fell in love." Fin was anything but calm but he knew in the circumstances there was nothing he could do except let medicine and nature work it out.

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The theatre lights were blinding and as the drape went up to block their view Amanda couldn't stop the tears. Olivia moved in and sat by Amanda's head on the stool proffered to her by the nurse. Kissing her girlfriends head she stroked her hair and whispered softly "It's gona be ok darlin'. This baby is a fighter just like his Momma, it's going to be ok." She tried to put as much conviction into her words as she could but she was still terrified.

"What if he's not?"  
"He is, and I know he is, cause I've felt him kick."

Medical terminology flew back and forth at a rapid pace and Olivia balked when she saw the tiny crib being wheeled in with all the attachments she'd seen needed for babies in the NICU. She returned her focus to Amanda to quell the rising panic.

"I can't feel anything Liv."

"That's the way it's supposed to be; you remember we talked about this in classes?"

"Classes?" Amanda wasn't really cognisant of anything going on around her, all her focus was on what was going on the other side of that sheet.

"Yeah ante-natal classes"

"Uh, yeah, I…."

The doctor's voice interrupted.

"Ok Amanda you're going to feel some pressure now and then some tugging. It's all completely normal. Baby has been lying with his face toward your back hence all the pain. Sooner we get him out the better."

Amanda simply nodded, a fresh wave of tears falling.  
Olivia reached for her hand, squeezing tightly. "It's ok, he's nearly here. You got this Georgia Peach." Amanda smiled at the nickname that she now adored.

She winced in pain as the doctor shouted a reassuring "almost there". Olivia's eyes darted between Amanda and the doctor. Amanda grimaced again and gritted her teeth as the doctor instructed the nurses to have suction ready.

"Ok, baby is here. Get that suction going."

Olivia leaned forward and kissed Amanda's head again. "You did it; you are so amazing. I love you."  
"Why isn't he crying?" Amanda's voice was full of fear.

The nurse appeared beside them both and gave an update. "We're just giving her a little bit of suction; she's slightly blocked up from the position she was in. Once we clear her lungs she may need a little bit of help breathing, or she may not. We'll take it one step at a time.

"But she's alive?" Amanda asked, the tremor in her voice turning into a small sob.

"Yes she's alive, 100 percent, she just needs a little help breathing."

"Wait she?" Olivia asked, suddenly recognising the change in pronouns.

"Oh sorry you guys didn't know? You have a little girl, congratulations."  
"A girl," they both whispered almost in unison.

A small cry caused both of them to breathe out a heavy sigh of relief. "She's ok?" Amanda asked the nurse who had returned again.

"She is. Initial Apgar score is 8 and that'll rise in the next little while as her lungs clear up. We're taking her to the NICU, but it's just a precaution. She is absolutely fine. Would you like to see her for a minute?"  
"Can I?"

"Of course"

The nurse walked off but Olivia sensed immediately something was wrong. Amanda's grip on her hand loosened and her head dropped to one side.

"Doc?" Olivia shouted, as the monitors began to go off again.

"Ok get that O Neg in here stat. She's bleeding again."  
Olivia felt a hand around her shoulders as someone helped her to stand. Losing hold of Amanda's hand and once again being escorted out of the room, this time Olivia never felt more powerless. Their baby was here, she was fine. But what if Amanda wasn't? She discarded her hat gloves and gown and sat down heavily on the bench outside resting her head in her hands.

Suddenly the doors opened and the neonatal nurse appeared from the theatre wheeling the small crib with their little girl in it.

"How is she?"

"They're transfusing now. If she's anything like this little one she's going to be fine. They'll be out in a bit with an update."

Olivia approached the crib tentatively and rested her hand on the side.

"You can touch her."

Olivia reached in and stroked her thumb over the baby's cheek. Her skin was so soft and she twitched slightly at Olivia's touch, her blue eyes an exact replica of Amanda's.

"Hi gorgeous girl. Your Momma is gona be with you soon. You hang in there ok?"

"Have you got a name yet?"

"No we thought she was a boy up until ten minutes ago."

The nurse smiled. "Ok I just need to put something on the form for the NICU, so baby Rollins for the time being?"  
"Rollins-Benson"

The nurse nodded and began to move away.

Olivia sat back down on the bench and silent tears began to run down her cheeks as the worst case scenarios surfaced again. Would Amanda's Mom petition for custody if she died? What if the baby wasn't fine, what if they'd missed something?" She couldn't comprehend not having them altogether as a family like they'd talked about and planned.

Another face appeared from the theatre some half hour later.

"Olivia?" the voice was that of the doctor from earlier.

Olivia looked up and met an unreadable face. One she had practiced herself many time.

"Is she dead?" Olivia managed between tears.

"No. She's very much still with us. She wanted to meet that little girl of yours far too much to leave. She's had four pints of blood though and she's sedated so she may be out of it for a bit. We're going to bring her up to HDU and they'll keep an eye on her along with OBGYN until she comes round. She's a fighter that one."  
"So I keep being told." Olivia smiled, the first time she'd done so in what felt like days.

"You should go and get some rest. She'll be out for a while but when she comes round I doubt you'll get a minute to yourself between visiting her and the little one. We'll be bringing her up to HDU in about 15 minutes if you want to make your way up with her?"

"Thanks Doc."

The doctor gave her shoulder a reassuring squeeze and returned to the theatre.

The next time the door opened Amanda was being wheeled out, oxygen mask on, her head still dropped to one side like it had been, her face pale and drawn.

Olivia immediately fell in step beside the nurses at transporting her and took her hand.

Upon reaching the HDU she took up residence in the chair beside Amanda's bed. Sending a quick text to Fin about an hour later to update him was the only time she let go of Amanda's hand. Re-joining them she intertwined their fingers and watched the rise and fall of Amanda's chest, reassuring herself that she was indeed still alive and breathing as she closed her eyes to get some rest.

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Someone moving at the bottom of the bed was the first thing she noticed. The shadow was familiar but she was so groggy it was hard to see. It took another minute for her eyes to focus and it was then she recognised Olivia swaying gently, a small bundle in her arms.

Amanda cleared her throat and Olivia jumped. She moved quickly to her side and leaned in close, the small bundle in her arms squirming and gurgling.

"Liv?"  
"Hey, you're back. How do you feel?"  
"Like I got shot again." Amanda's voice was scratchy and her throat and mouth felt like someone had filed them with sand.

"Water?"  
"One second darlin'." Olivia disappeared from her eye-line and she tried to turn her head to see where she had gone but it hurt too much.

She arrived back a minute later with a doctor and a glass of water.

"Hi Amanda, I'm Kate O'Malley. You gave us quite a scare. How are you feeling?"  
"Honestly?"  
"I generally prefer that yes."  
"Like I got hit by a bus."  
"Well your body has been through a hell of a time. You lot a lot of blood due to a massive haemorrhage after baby arrived."  
"Oh my God, is she ok, I forgot. How could I forget?"

"You've been through a major trauma Amanda. You're going to be groggy on the details for quite some time. I'm surprised you're as alert as you are. Surprised but glad. I'm going to get a nurse in here to do some obs and we're going to do some bloods and check that everything is working as it should. In the meantime, I think someone would like to meet you."

Olivia moved to her side again carrying the small gurgling bundle who had been in a crib just out of her line of sight.

"Baby this is Momma, Momma baby." Amanda instinctively raised her arms as Olivia placed their daughter on her chest, kissing her head softly as she sat down in the chair beside the bed.

"Hi baby," the tears fell freely as Amanda held her daughter close, feeling her warm skin, her small breaths against her neck, her tiny hand reaching out for somewhere to rest, finally finding her shoulder.

"She's really here?"  
"She's really here Mand. And she's beautiful just like her Momma."  
"And she's ok?"  
"Absolutely fine. She's feeding, she's breathing unaided, she's putting on weight and she's got a set of lungs on her that have been keeping us all on our toes."  
Amanda laughed as she kissed the little girls head.

"Exactly like her Momma so."

The nurse arrived to check Amanda's blood pressure and temperature but she kept hold of the little one, refusing to let her go, still not sure she was real.

"Has she got a name yet?" Amanda asked as the nurse left.

"Considering we hadn't even looked at one girls name I thought it might be an idea to consult with you before I lumbered her with a name for life." Olivia chuckled as she stood, stroking Amanda's hair.

"You've had time to spend with her, what does she look like to you?"  
"A baby."

Amanda was too sore to reach up and slap Olivia's arm so she gave her a stern look instead.

"Ok, ok I'm sorry." Olivia held her hands up in surrender.

Amanda lifted her from her chest to look at her for a moment, long enough to gauge what she thought was a suitable name. I want her to have your Mom's middle name. Olivia kissed Amanda's cheek. "Thank you, that would be beautiful."

"As for her first name I think I need some time."

"Take as long as you need, she's not going anywhere."  
"She really is here isn't is she?"  
"She's here to stay."

Olivia wrapped her arms around her girls, holding them close. "This is us, a family. Noah has met her and he loves her. He wants another one."

Amanda laughed; "I think he's going to have to wait a while."

"Yeah I told him that he wasn't impressed. He pointed to a few other babies in the cribs next to her and said 'I want that one, and that one and that one'."

Amanda smiled as she lifted her head kissing her girlfriend softly; "I love you so much Liv."  
"I love you too beautiful. Thank you for making my life complete."

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 **There is one final chapter of this to go, set around Christmas when baby has a name. It'll be up before New Year. Hope you enjoyed this in the mean time.**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N We went way too far the other side of Christmas to do Christmas so this is the final chapter slightly revised to what I had planned. Sorry time got away from me.**

They were lying on the couch, legs entwined, fingers caressing bare skin as they enjoyed the hazy period after sex. They'd managed to be quiet; two kids still asleep a testament to that. Amanda's contented sigh made Olivia tighten her embrace.

"You ok?"  
"I'm fine hon, honestly, you can stop asking."  
"I know it was just… well it was the first time and…"  
"Nothing hurts, everything still work. I'm fine, you didn't break me."

Olivia chuckled. "Ok I'm going to stop asking."  
"I know you're worried about me Liv but I had a baby not a lobotomy."  
"Yeah and you lost most of your blood volume in the process. So you can go on all you want about women doing it for centuries Georgia Peach; it might be fact but it is also fact that many have died doing it and well… you…" Olivia bit her lip. She'd sworn to Amanda she'd stop thinking about it but as she lay there holding her she couldn't help but think about how she'd almost lost her. The blonde turned so she was lying alongside her girlfriend instead of on top of her and pulled her into her arms stroking her head and back.

"You really are the greatest sap Olivia Benson. If anyone in the NYPD knew what you were really like they wouldn't be the slightest bit scared of you."  
"You'd never ruin my reputation Rollins," Olivia joked, regaining some of her composure, wanting to lighten the mood and forget her momentary lapse into melancholy.

"I might if you don't hurry up and kiss me." Olivia stroked Amanda's cheek with the backs of her fingers, brushing her hair behind her ear and kissed her, soft and gentle but probing still, wanting to taste the remnants of their love making. She moaned as she felt Amanda's hand teasing her nipple her tongue slipping into her mouth, playing with her own.

"Don't start something you're not going to finish Rollins."  
"Who says I'm not gona…" A small cry from the baby monitor interrupted any further suggestive talk as they both groaned.

"Perfect timing Jessy. She needs a feed"

"I'll get her."

Amanda tried to stand but Olivia held her in place with a hand on her shoulder and stood. "I'll get her".

Olivia returned moments later with a pair of pyjama bottoms for Amanda, the top surplus to requirements since Jessy needed feeding. The small bundle of wriggling crying sniffling baby was in her arms. She dropped the fluffy pyjama bottoms in Amanda's lap, having donned a t-shirt and shorts herself before she picked the little girl up.

"Here's Momma Jess."

The little girl quieted as Olivia placed her into her other mother's arms, sated by the knowledge of what was coming when she felt a soft hand guide her to where she needed to be and she began to suckle gently on Amanda's breast. It had taken days of practice and when they had finally gotten her to latch on there were tears all round. Now she was a natural and Olivia sat watching in awe of the woman she loved feeding their little girl. She was envious at first that she'd never have that bond with Noah. But she knew it was futile and she realised that they had bonded in so many other ways since the first day she'd picked him out of that drawer. The first person to hold him with genuine love in her heart for him.

"I swear this child eats like she's never been fed before every time."

"Just like her Momma."

Amanda stuck her tongue out and Olivia laughed, moving over to sit beside them on the couch. She stroked Amanda's hair and kissed her cheek.

"You really are amazing Mand, you know that?" She kissed the blonde's cheek and rested her head on her shoulder. She never imagined this would be her life. A family, her family. Kids, a woman she loved and happiness like she'd never felt before. She placed her hand over the small one waving in the air and Jessy settled turning fully into Amanda. She stroked the back of the tiny hand and fingers, which clasped around one of hers.

"Fin tried that trick yesterday. She put his finger in her mouth and even minus the teeth she had a good go at biting."

Olivia laughed and Jessy opened an eye to look at her as if to say "I'm eating, be quiet".

"Wow she gives as good a death stare as her Momma too."

"You know if you hadn't just made lose feeling in my legs for a bit earlier, I might use my hormones as an excuse to cry at this assault on my good character." They both started to laugh this time and Jessy gave up trying to figure out what was going on closing her eyes and continuing to eat.

"We could be here for a bit. Do you want to head to bed?"

"No I'll be fine. I need to check on Noah, make sure she didn't wake him. He seems to be getting used to it now."

"If he's awake bring him in, he won't settle without making sure she's not hurt. He still thinks she only cries when "she's got a boo-boo" as he likes to call it.

Olivia gently extricated her finger from the small hand holding it and kissed Amanda's forehead.

Reaching the door of Noah's room, she pushed the door open further so she could look in and saw that the little boy was fast asleep just as she'd left him, his night light illuminating the three toy trucks and teddy bear he had to have beside his bed when he slept. The urge to go in and tuck his duvet around him where his leg had fallen to one side was overwhelming but she knew she'd wake him so she closed the door back over and moved into the master bedroom, making sure that Jessy's crib was ready for her and grabbing Amanda's top.

She felt a kiss on her shoulder a moment later as Amanda walked by her. "He still asleep?"

"Yeah, didn't move an inch."

"She's dozing off but she'll no doubt wake up again in five minutes and remember what she's doing so there's no point in trying to put her down. But I'm so tired I'm gona fall asleep myself so I figured if we come in here at least all three of us can attempt to rest even if none of us is going to sleep.

Olivia propped some pillows against the headboard and sat down propping herself against them, helping Amanda and Jessy slowly onto bed, guiding them to sit between her legs. Wrapping her arms around the two of the three people who meant most to her in the world she realised that this is what life was about.

"I never thought I'd have this. you've made my life complete Amanda Rollins."  
"Hush now you big sap."

"I'm serious Amanda. Noah was, is my world. If it was always going to be just me and him that would have been fine, I'd have known no different. But now…"

"I know Liv. We're a family. I never had a family growing up, something was always missing. You know, you were the same. This is what family is supposed to be."

Amanda felt a kiss against her neck and smiled. She felt Jessy move and wake in her arms starting to feed again.

"Hey whadda ya know, we might actually get to some sleep tonight."  
"Then can we finish what you started out there?"

Amanda turned kissing the brunette gently, a promise lingering. "Only if you are quiet as a mouse Benson."  
"I can do that."

"Good cause if you wake her up you're on diaper duty"  
"I think fair is fair"

Amanda laughed as she felt another kiss on her neck as Olivia's arms enveloped them again. She'd never felt so safe, so loved. Nothing in the world could hurt them anymore. This is where her life began.

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End file.
